Yesterday when I opened my Facebook page I saw a line...What is on your mind? I have seen this line earlier too but never gave a thought to it or rather ignored it.... Yesterday after I retired for the day and was in my bed pondering, reminiscing , evaluating or reliving through the day that passed by, somehow "What is on your mind" came back to me. Many thoughts and ideas cross my mind throughout the day while I work in the kitchen or when I sit relaxing or doing some random work, or even just like that. Some thoughts pass away the same way as they come, some linger on and gradually fade away......but something which has been in my mind for the past many days or even longer I am not able to get  off my mind...That probably is actually 'ON MY MIND' and I should be sharing ....
    I have watched a number videos and read a number of posts on the internet and the social net work glorifying mother hood and the sacrifices made by parents and how the off springs forget about all that and end up sending their parents to old age homes. I have also felt a lump in my throat wathing and reading the sorry plight of these parents and have shared those write ups and videos. We get to read about and watch how the life in a peaceful love filled family changes to a tearful and quarreling one after the son brings home a wife. Always the blame is on the son 'who has changed' or the'daughter-i-law' who has completely 'confiscated' the loving son thus changing his priorities. Then we have the picture of a mother-i-law who tries to find fault with the son and his wife for having brought all the calamities to the house. It is what we get to see on the internet, movies and also get to read .....but What has been on my mind for the past few months is.....

.Can we generalise things when such things happen in not more that 5% of the households? Has any one ever thought about the sons who sacrifice their many pleasures to see their parents and siblings smile? Has any one made videos about that daughter who has left her family and parents, her familiar surroundings and neighborhood to join the husband's family? Has any one tried to write about the adjustments she has to make to be happy and make her husband and her new family smile? Has any one ever thought about the mother who has embraced a new daughter to the family and has been in turn embraced back as 'amma' or 'ma'? Why don't we have stories and videos which glorify such new found happiness and the saga of umpteen positive families where the mother-in-law  father -in-law , daughter-in-law and son -in-law are freed from the tag 'in-law' and have a peaceful happy life?

 These videos and write ups about sons changing their priorities, sending parents to old age homes, and daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law acting with vengeance and negativity only leave us putting a stamp of negativity in our otherwise happy thoughts, we also tend to look for loop holes in our lives to match what we believe is going on in the world.This in turn makes us depressed and looking at things differently. On the other hand if we get to watch or read positive videos and stories about the new found daughters, sisters,  mothers, sons, fathers and brothers after a marriage, we would try to be more positive in our outlook.  If we have some problem in maintaining the new found relations in the family, we would try to find loop holes in the prevailing negative atmosphere to usher in positive vibes and make our lives happier. More and more daughters would free themselves of the tag 'in-law and so would more mothers and sisters.....Thus we will have more sons who can have peace and happiness and not been pictured as..Humara beta tho badal gaya ( our son has changed).

 These thoughts have been there in my mind for long and I felt I should share. I sincerely hope those who read this would accept the positive vibe that is intended to be projected..

From a Grandmother to her little one.....

My darling Namya, when you read this, you may have grown to a teenager. wondering why Ammamma is writing to you. Well, your generation may not be aware of what was life like, for a middle class family in the 1950’s to 70’s. I just felt, you may like to get an idea of what our family was  like, what all were our food habits or what our days were like. Can you imagine about a life sans television, computer or even radio? Can you imagine a life without a car ? May be therefore what I am going to pen down, would read to you like a fairy tale or fiction.

The other day, I was telling your Raghumamu  some anecdotes of our times, and he was keen to get more and more details about those days. It was then it dawned on me, that even your Amma and Maamu don't know much about those days, and for you all that would be like a story.

A long introduction ……you think?   All right, here goes the story of my life from late fifties to early seventies.

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Namya, I was born in 1952, in a village Kondiparamba, in Perintalmanna , of the present Malapuram district in Kerala.. My mother belonged to Perintalmanna and my father hailed from Kottakkal, which is famous as a centre of Ayurveda, early indian medical science. At the time of my birth, my mother was only 18!!! And my father31!!! Surprised? Well…that was what it was those days.  Soon after my birth, my father was able to get a job in indian airlines, Delhi. Prior to that he was working in some cooperative society in a place called Cheroopa, near Kozhikode in Kerala.

             It was in 1955 that my mother and we two siblings came to Delhi. It took us 4 days to reach Delhi from Kerala by train. Difficult for you to believe, I know.Even now the scene at the railway station is vivid in my memory. Nothing like it is today, no rush, no  big crowd, very few trains and as we alighted from the train, the porter came and took our baggage to the auto stand. There was no bargaining and my father gave him what he asked, and I am sure it was nominal .People those days were more honest and much humane in their interactions.

             I clearly remember our first abode in Delhi. It was a 2 room apartment….actually  Government quarters…. which we shared with one Mr Bhat in Sarojini Nagar, known as Main Vinay Nagar those days.The address was  C 120. There was no inhibition those days, sharing a house with totally new people…there was no north—south difference or rivalry. There was total unity and understanding between the two families. I remember, I made my first friend in Delhi in that house. She was Leela and about a year or two elder to me.  We used to play all day, were fed by the same mother…mine or hers…..and even bathed and dressed by one of the mothers.

           After about a year we moved from there to another house, again a shared accommodation. That was to B616, again in Sarojini Nagar.I remember it was just opposite the police station, and my mother used to threaten to call the police if I was up to some mischief or did not obey her…Thus started my fear of the police, whom I could never look up as our protectors!

              While staying in Sarojini Nagar, we enjoyed our evenings going around the market or enjoying swings and rides in the children’s park. During the summers we were treated to cool rose scented sugar cane cubes. I know you love them which used to be a rare thing in the markets when you were small, and now we hardly see them.

               We were like nomads going from one abode to the other , mainly in the vicinity of Sarojini Nagar, Netaji Nagar, Lakshmi bai nagar, RK Puram and other civil areas of south Delhi. Those days there were very few private areas and private residential sectors, but life in those government quarters had its own charm. we enjoyed a special bond with our neighbours and peer groups. It was like all of us were often being fed at one house or taken for a treat of ice cream( which costed 8 annas or half a rupee for a big cup or chocobar) by one or two of the mothers. I remember the places we stayed in sarojini nagar, Netaji nagar and Rama Krishna puram vividly and the names of all the friends I made there. Of all the places, I cherish the memories of our days in EPT 107 a post and telegraph colony in Sarojini nagar, and 1583 Netaji Nagar near my college. Both these places I was able to make great friends and family relations which I hold close to my heart to this day

            Vacation was the best time, when we used to play the whole day. Going for morning walk was a big enjoyment, those of us staying in the ground floor houses would spread cots( known as chaarpais, and made of wooden legs , frame and choir ropes) outside the house. Those who stayed in the first floor would sleep on cots spread on the terrace. You know what, the terraces were connected,and we felt secure and not scared of intruders, as we had all friendly neighbours around. Thus, in the mornings, whoever woke up first would wake up the rest of us and we would go in group of 8 to 10 children for walk and to play in the park. we used to return by 9 or so, and after our bath and morning rituals would assemble at one of the houses, and indulge in different indoor games, reading or simply gossiping. There were no televisions those days, so we connected to our friends and cousins beautifully. We also read a lot and once or twice during the vacation we would be taken for a picnic to the zoo or for a movie. Another ritual we followed was, in the forenoon, a group of us would go to the local baker and get cookies made. We used to take sugar, milk, vegetable oil  and wheat flour and come back loaded with big tins or canisters of cookies. Such wonderful cookies you can't get now. no adulteration, no artificial flavour… wow Namya,,, that was heaven!

 Then of course we used to go the the tandoor wala or the man who used clay ovens to make rotis, known as tandoori rotis. Our mothers would knead the dough and give to us, we would go to the person with clay oven… we called tandoor waley uncleji…..There our dough would be made into rotis, we would also buy a full pot of his special dal sometimes, and with some sliced onions to accompany, we enjoyed  sumptuous dinner of the special dal and rotis. You have to taste it to know its worth, as I have no words to explain the heavenly taste. The Murthal daal or dal makhani we get now and the rotis we get in the restaurants just cant be compared and do not come any where near  the daal and roti we had those days from the neighbourhood tandoor. 

Guess what my love, we had no maggi or burger or the fast foods you get now, to curb our frequent hunger pangs. We however had lots of fresh fruits like blue berries, guavas, and mangoes in almost all houses and then of course we made quick snacks on our own, like panjeeri..a sweet from wheat flour sugar and a dash of clarified butter, in a jiffy. Life was much simpler and smoother those days my dear. The air was not polluted, water we got was pure, and the fruits and vegetables totally fresh..so much so that we didn't fear eating from the local sweet shop or snacks corner..which of course was not a regular affair, but an occasional treat. Well..those were the days... We never felt the need to travel just with the family in a car, for us going in public transport was true enjoyment of travelling. Entertainment was, to play indoor games in the hot after noons and park games till late evening, or going for watching movies or circuses with lots of friends, or even visiting places like monuments or zoo. Newspapers  gave us all the news we had to know, as reading newspapers was a regular morning ritual for us at home and also in school morning assemblies.

In school too we never faced any bullying or problems, but enjoyed our time there. Learning was not a task. I enjoyed school and college and studies so much that till my late 50's I found learning  a thrill.Regular studies, and attention in class was a common thing and tuitions after school hours was not anyone took pride in. I don't remember going for any special coaching to prepare for any examination.

It was in 1968 that I crossed from school to college life. College , friends and teachers constituted a beautiful world for us . Our generation had no fear of going out to local markets alone, we had no fear of travelling in local transport from university even late evening  or 8-O clock at night. Totally secure we girls felt. Compared to what insecurity and fear of molestation or assault the youngsters face now, we were very secure and socially well cared for.Till 1975 I spent beautiful years learning, enjoying and empowering myself. Believe me my love, learning was an enjoyment and not at all a strain.


The two plus decades of life in a middle class family in Delhi  and that too in a government residential area was something I wouldn't have traded for life in today's metropolis , today's Delhi/NCR. How I wish my darling Namya and her friends too would have  such a carefree socially secure and enjoyable years of school and college life!!!

Dusk to Dawn....

   

Pacing through the party floor....

I woke up to a new light!

Enlightened once again by my gurus!

From whom I learned all over again......

**********************************

As I look to the horizon of life and death,

Rays of a new dawn peep through!

Wonder-struck am I to see the happy faces,

As I witness the light of true joy around!

**********************************

Lived as I have in self abandon,

The feel of a new life and budding joy,

Fills me with a yearning to seek true joy.....

In a way my Gurus now are doing

They too toiled hard for their kith and kin,

They too worked towards social nod.

Selfless have they been; selfish now not,

Social acceptance they seek not now

Age or ailments deter them not....

Personal loss or grief they don’t let linger on....

What if I, like them in the evening of my life,

Move on with a new zest to seek my right to happiness?

In Search of a goal

                   

I feel like a soul devoid of life,

I try to find a reason, a cure,

Not quite sure of what I want,

And know not what more I need to do.

              All I feel is my life has come to a standstill,

               But No! I don’t want to give up……………

               Let me move on to find an opening….

               A way out of these uneventful days…..

But then…it is a bit too much to take,

As the fear of the unknown surrounds me….and,

Darkness creeps inside me from all sides…..

My mind spins intricate web over my confidence….

               Oh God!!! I need to stop this swirling insecurity

               Let not my confidence ebb and make me lost….

               Let thoughts of hope and not agony flow into me…

               I need to embark on a journey to find my entity

വിനമ്ര മൌലിയായി.........

           

നഷ്ട സ്വർഗങ്ങളെ കുറിചോര്തെ

ന്നുമെൻ മനസ്സു വിലപിച്ചു

കഷ്ടമെന്തേ ഞാനറിയാതെ പോയ

തിന്നൊളമെൻ ജീവിതത്തിനാശിസ്സുകൾ ?

ഇന്നുഞാനേവം നമ്രശിരസ്കയായി

ഖിന്നതയോടെ അറിയുന്നിതെല്ലാം

നഷ്ടമായതെനിക്കു കേവല

മെൻ അപക്വമാം ചിന്തകൾ

അനന്യമാം നേട്ടങ്ങളെന്നിലെക്കിന്നും

കനിവോടെയീശൻ ചൊരിഞ്ഞിടവേ

നിയതിതൻ കൃപാ കടാക്ഷങ്ങളെന്തെ

ഞാനിന്നോളം കണ്ടിട്ടും കാണാതെ പോയ്‌

സ്നേഹര്ദ്രരാം ആത്മജരെന്റെ ലോകം

സ്നേഹസുരഭില നമ്യ എൻ ഭാഗ്യം

സ്നേഹം ചൊരിയുന്ന തോഴരെൻ വരം

സ്നേഹിക്കാനങ്ങേകിയ മനസ്സെൻ പുണ്യം

വൈകിയ വേളയിലെങ്കിലും സത്യമിതറിയുന്നു ഞാൻ

വിനമ്ര മൌലിയായ് വണങ്ങട്ടെ നിയതിയെ ഞാനെന്നും

എന്റെ പ്രചോദനം

ഒരനർഘ നിർവൃതിയായ്

അനിർവചനീയ മൊരനുഭൂതിയായ്

എന്നിൽ നിറഞ്ഞ പ്രഭാപൂരമേ

നീ എനിക്കാര് ??

  ഒരു പൈതലിൻ നൈർമല്യമായ്

  ഒരുദ്ധാരകനിൻ ഗാംഭീര്യമായ്

   വന്നണഞ്ഞ പ്രതിഭാസമേ !

    നീ എനിക്കാര് ??

നിന്നെ ഞാൻ നൊന്തു പെറ്റീല ...

എന്നമ്മ തന്നുദരതിൽ നീ പിറന്നീല ....

എൻ ജീവരഹസ്യം ഞാൻ നിന്നോട് പങ്കു വെച്ചീല

എങ്കിലും നീയെൻ ജീവിതാംശം എന്നറിയുന്നു ഞാൻ

               അല്ലായ്കിൽ ........

സുപ്തമെൻ മനതാരിലെ

തുറക്കാതുള്ളറകൽ താന്ടി

എന്നിലെ എന്നെ നീ കണ്ടതെപ്പോൾ ??

എനനിലെ തെറ്റുകൾ കുറ്റങ്ങൾ .....

എനനിലെ ആസ്തികൾ പ്രാപ്തികൾ .....

എല്ലാം നീ അറിഞ്ഞതെപ്പൊൾ ??

ക്ളാന്തമെൻ ആത്മാവിൻ രോദനം നീ കേട്ടതെപ്പോൾ ?

എൻ പ്രചോദനമായി നീ ഭവിച്ചതെപ്പോൾ ??

Three weeks of Total Bliss

Three weeks of total bliss it was. Forgot all worries of life, forgot my age.. sometimes even forgot I am needed elsewhere too. It was a dream come true.Staying with one’s children is always a blessing and joy. But, to know that  one’s child is grown up into a super efficient homemaker,  is one eyeopening bliss for  any mother and that exactly was how I felt.Added to that was the joy of staying in Doha—with its natural beauty, people, fresh food and umpteen good things and above all the Sea, which took me  back to those days of crazy adolescence when it was a gay abandon of every thing around. Roaming around with my little one, being pampered by my son in law and daughter  brought out the child in me…..receptive of all care and affection……..

Roaming around, I splashed in the sea waters with my little one,  turning out from 60 to a 6 YEAR OLD like her, going round in Dhow—a special boat remotely similar to a house boat, I went into an ultimate trance …again oblivious of my age….The clean surroundings, thick greenery in a desert land, polite local people  ever smiling and cordial neighbours……….these and much more endeared  Doha to my heart. I saluted the people and governance of a foreign land in my heart…….But……certain things made my heart weep for my country……..

From the kitchen to the living room of my daughter’s house, I found mostly things purchased in Doha …but made in India. The simple Lipton tea, the eastern curry powder( and a variety of spices and condiments packed by the eastern food products…), table mats, utensils, glass wares  spices and much more were extremely good in quality. The ground  and whole spices, tea leaves and even the ubiquitous roasted rice powder and other raw mixes for indian snacks, turned out to be a feast to the palate and taste……. That is when my heart wept for my country and its people. Such variety and high quality of things we have in the country!!!!!!!!!!!AND… We the people are deprived of all that. We have to spend extra to purchase the so called” export quality” goods and those too are nowhere near what I saw in the country I visited. Later I was told that what we get as ‘’export quality’’ are actually those rejected by the export office ……I am grieved that the health and well being of its people has no importance  to the govt compared to the foreign exchange it  gets for the high quality stuff exported. Adulterated stuff is destined to our people who have to spend  huge sum of money to hospitals and chemists to treat them after the consumption of the low grade stuff available to them.  Where moveth thou my country……?????????????? What fate awaits the people of this country????????????

As I roamed in the midst of the thick greenery and natural vegetation of Doha..I wondered  to myself how is this possible in a desert land. I had my answer from my daughter and son in law The people and government of Doha work to plant vegetation and maintain the ecological balance and convert the land into a blessed green area. The surroundings are kept clean by the people who don’t litter or spit in roads and public places. The cleaning staff and gardeners appointed by the govt perform their duties diligently and sincerely .Whereas what happens here??????????????? ..My heart weeps for you my India…….