Monday, September 19, 2016

Happy two digit birthday...all of ten my darling

My darling Nammu,
As you turn ten today, I thank the Almighty for having bestowed on the family such a beautiful blessing ..You. How fast the ten years have flown by! As I vividly recollect the day u were born and I was able to hold you in my hands, I realize you are my world, my life and my life line..God's greatest and most precious gift to me....

You are a big girl now Nammu, and I know you have thousands of ideas, goals and thoughts in your mind...Your likes and dislikes are slowly setting in and you have started narrowing down on your goals (at least immediate ones) .It will b a few years from now that you would finally set your heart and mind on what you want to achieve in life, what you ultimately would like to pursue as your career and so on...
However, I want to share a few of my thoughts as you step into the shoes of  A BIG GIRL...
Remember my love, you are you and you need not change yourself just to please your friends or classmates. As of now, you may not be in a position to take a final decision on anything , but your Amma and Papa are there for you and till about the time you feel you can take decision on your own, they will be your best advisers. Remember my love, after a few years you will feel you can decide for yourself, but  it will be better to take their opinion too. Why I say this is because , your parents are your best advisers, most positive critics and strongest admirers.
I understand  you have taken over from Amma a very beautiful responsibility....of lighting the holy lamp in front of  God...I really feel proud of you. It is indeed a positive and admirable thing that you 'believe'. All said and done, it is really wise to believe in a power above us, immaterial of the name you give to that supreme power. I call it Nature. You call it Thampatty now and gradually u will start giving different names to that power...The name , does not matter at all ...My dear, let your mind not dwell on any religion or social division. I hope and wish you will believe in treating everyone equally, Do not ever keep a grudge in your mind , but do not let any one wrong you.
 I am glad you worship the creator of the Universe, but I would rather you worship also your parents for whom you are The Universe,  my love. Obey them, make them happy , because their ultimate aim is your happiness.
It is really heartwarming that you care a lot for your Amma and Papa. They, and only they are the ones who have and can ever give the best to you and make you emotionally strong. Do not ever let any one or anything influence you to change in a way you don't want to. Don't ever feel what any one other than your parents will think or react to , your behaviour. I am not asking you to b rude, but always have the audacity to say NO albeit politely.
My darling , my dearest Nammu, do you remember how eager you used to be to reach your tenth birthday, and used to say, "Ammamma when I turn ten, will you allow me to cross the road on my own and go and drop a letter in the post box?"Times have changed and I know you can b on your own and are a lot more independent than the girls of your age in this part of the world. I feel extremely proud of your talents, your ability to communicate and of course your eagerness to read voraciously.
As you turn ten and walk towards your teens and then your adulthood, I pray to the almighty to bestow on you all blessings to make you a strong, talented, beautiful(in looks, in thoughts and in the heart), compassionate and lovingly lovable lady. Remember my love, You are my Life, my World and the most precious person in my life. Love you with all the love inside me, and always pray for your well being. You are ammamma's precious gem Namla.....

With hugs to my darling ,
Your very own Ammamma

Sunday, August 7, 2016

With Love and Prayers for you my little one!!!!!!

Dearest Sreekutty,

 As u set out on a new and exciting journey of your life, here I am  on top of the world, reminiscing, exulting,and my heart and soul puffed up in pure joy......
You have entered the gates of that prestigious campus which I left about four decades back.....You have decided to get yourself empowered and  academically and emotionally enrich yourself from the the same place which empowered me and enriched me and moulded me into a different person. The naive, bewildered teenager ,who entered the gates of that magnanimous structure called Arts Faculty, came out of it as a confident, empowered young lady, ready to face the world.

 I have had a secret wish to see my children too  get empowered by the same prestigious Delhi University.Somehow things did not happen as I wished and hoped, but after four decades my dream of seeing at least one of my children as a full fledged product of Delhi university  is to be fulfilled. I have always related the North Campus as Delhi University..may be because in those days that is how it was. Well...all said and done...Delhi University ,is even now the pompous, majestic and prestigious institution it used to be . I feel overjoyed that my darling child, my Sreekutty has entered the thresholds of this place and is to be a post graduate from the same place which made me that.and much more.

As I write this, my thoughts go back to the day March 5,1995 when u entered this world and I literally cried out in sheer joy and ecstasy. To this day March 5,1995 is the first day of my life that I was overjoyed. Incidentally the other two days being September 19,2006  and February 8th.,2013.

Somehow, I always have seen traces of myself in you.  We are to a great extend similar in our thoughts, our passion for certain academic subjects, our look out towards life and many such small things. I wouldn't ever want you to be like me, but I am puffed up that you have chosen to pursue your academic journey at the same place as mine. I want you to be  more confident a  person, surer of yourself and unlike me strong enough to live for yourself and never ever divert from your likes and dislikes to keep your dear ones happy, and I want you to face the world as a strong willed person who can not be taken for a ride.

 Love with all your heart, but let not your love be your weakness , let it make you stronger. Let not sacrificing your wishes  be the ways to show your love , let care for those who need you be your way but let not care for others make you careless towards yourself. Make your academic journey the best journey by completely immersed in it. Be sure to take the path that you  think is right. Let none influence your thoughts and path.

Too much advice? Well...I just want my exultation to be pure and meaningful in that you reach the goal to which you have set out,  to be reached the way you want it to be. I am totally in a state of euphoria my dear...Let my prayers, my good wishes and my hopes reach you in a way to make you also ecstatically happy after years when you talk to your next generation about your experiences in you journey called life.

Friday, April 8, 2016

Yesterday when I opened my Facebook page I saw a line...What is on your mind? I have seen this line earlier too but never gave a thought to it or rather ignored it.... Yesterday after I retired for the day and was in my bed pondering, reminiscing , evaluating or reliving through the day that passed by, somehow "What is on your mind" came back to me. Many thoughts and ideas cross my mind throughout the day while I work in the kitchen or when I sit relaxing or doing some random work, or even just like that. Some thoughts pass away the same way as they come, some linger on and gradually fade away......but something which has been in my mind for the past many days or even longer I am not able to get  off my mind...That probably is actually 'ON MY MIND' and I should be sharing ....
    I have watched a number videos and read a number of posts on the internet and the social net work glorifying mother hood and the sacrifices made by parents and how the off springs forget about all that and end up sending their parents to old age homes. I have also felt a lump in my throat wathing and reading the sorry plight of these parents and have shared those write ups and videos. We get to read about and watch how the life in a peaceful love filled family changes to a tearful and quarreling one after the son brings home a wife. Always the blame is on the son 'who has changed' or the'daughter-i-law' who has completely 'confiscated' the loving son thus changing his priorities. Then we have the picture of a mother-i-law who tries to find fault with the son and his wife for having brought all the calamities to the house. It is what we get to see on the internet, movies and also get to read .....but What has been on my mind for the past few months is.....

.Can we generalise things when such things happen in not more that 5% of the households? Has any one ever thought about the sons who sacrifice their many pleasures to see their parents and siblings smile? Has any one made videos about that daughter who has left her family and parents, her familiar surroundings and neighborhood to join the husband's family? Has any one tried to write about the adjustments she has to make to be happy and make her husband and her new family smile? Has any one ever thought about the mother who has embraced a new daughter to the family and has been in turn embraced back as 'amma' or 'ma'? Why don't we have stories and videos which glorify such new found happiness and the saga of umpteen positive families where the mother-in-law  father -in-law , daughter-in-law and son -in-law are freed from the tag 'in-law' and have a peaceful happy life?

 These videos and write ups about sons changing their priorities, sending parents to old age homes, and daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law acting with vengeance and negativity only leave us putting a stamp of negativity in our otherwise happy thoughts, we also tend to look for loop holes in our lives to match what we believe is going on in the world.This in turn makes us depressed and looking at things differently. On the other hand if we get to watch or read positive videos and stories about the new found daughters, sisters,  mothers, sons, fathers and brothers after a marriage, we would try to be more positive in our outlook.  If we have some problem in maintaining the new found relations in the family, we would try to find loop holes in the prevailing negative atmosphere to usher in positive vibes and make our lives happier. More and more daughters would free themselves of the tag 'in-law and so would more mothers and sisters.....Thus we will have more sons who can have peace and happiness and not been pictured as..Humara beta tho badal gaya ( our son has changed).

 These thoughts have been there in my mind for long and I felt I should share. I sincerely hope those who read this would accept the positive vibe that is intended to be projected..

Monday, August 3, 2015

From a Grandmother to her little one.....

My darling Namya, when you read this, you may have grown to a teenager. wondering why Ammamma is writing to you. Well, your generation may not be aware of what was life like, for a middle class family in the 1950s to 70s. I just felt, you may like to get an idea of what our family was  like, what all were our food habits or what our days were like. Can you imagine about a life sans television, computer or even radio? Can you imagine a life without a car ? May be therefore what I am going to pen down, would read to you like a fairy tale or fiction.

The other day, I was telling your Raghumamu  some anecdotes of our times, and he was keen to get more and more details about those days. It was then it dawned on me, that even your Amma and Maamu don't know much about those days, and for you all that would be like a story.
A long introduction ……you think?   All right, here goes the story of my life from late fifties to early seventies.


Namya, I was born in 1952, in a village Kondiparamba, in Perintalmanna , of the present Malapuram district in Kerala.. My mother belonged to Perintalmanna and my father hailed from Kottakkal, which is famous as a centre of Ayurveda, early indian medical science. At the time of my birth, my mother was only 18!!! And my father31!!! Surprised? Wellthat was what it was those days.  Soon after my birth, my father was able to get a job in indian airlines, Delhi. Prior to that he was working in some cooperative society in a place called Cheroopa, near Kozhikode in Kerala.

             It was in 1955 that my mother and we two siblings came to Delhi. It took us 4 days to reach Delhi from Kerala by train. Difficult for you to believe, I know.Even now the scene at the railway station is vivid in my memory. Nothing like it is today, no rush, no  big crowd, very few trains and as we alighted from the train, the porter came and took our baggage to the auto stand. There was no bargaining and my father gave him what he asked, and I am sure it was nominal .People those days were more honest and much humane in their interactions.

             I clearly remember our first abode in Delhi. It was a 2 room apartment.actually  Government quarters. which we shared with one Mr Bhat in Sarojini Nagar, known as Main Vinay Nagar those days.The address was  C 120. There was no inhibition those days, sharing a house with totally new peoplethere was no northsouth difference or rivalry. There was total unity and understanding between the two families. I remember, I made my first friend in Delhi in that house. She was Leela and about a year or two elder to me.  We used to play all day, were fed by the same mothermine or hers..and even bathed and dressed by one of the mothers.

           After about a year we moved from there to another house, again a shared accommodation. That was to B616, again in Sarojini Nagar.I remember it was just opposite the police station, and my mother used to threaten to call the police if I was up to some mischief or did not obey herThus started my fear of the police, whom I could never look up as our protectors!

              While staying in Sarojini Nagar, we enjoyed our evenings going around the market or enjoying swings and rides in the childrens park. During the summers we were treated to cool rose scented sugar cane cubes. I know you love them which used to be a rare thing in the markets when you were small, and now we hardly see them.

               We were like nomads going from one abode to the other , mainly in the vicinity of Sarojini Nagar, Netaji Nagar, Lakshmi bai nagar, RK Puram and other civil areas of south Delhi. Those days there were very few private areas and private residential sectors, but life in those government quarters had its own charm. we enjoyed a special bond with our neighbours and peer groups. It was like all of us were often being fed at one house or taken for a treat of ice cream( which costed 8 annas or half a rupee for a big cup or chocobar) by one or two of the mothers. I remember the places we stayed in sarojini nagar, Netaji nagar and Rama Krishna puram vividly and the names of all the friends I made there. Of all the places, I cherish the memories of our days in EPT 107 a post and telegraph colony in Sarojini nagar, and 1583 Netaji Nagar near my college. Both these places I was able to make great friends and family relations which I hold close to my heart to this day

            Vacation was the best time, when we used to play the whole day. Going for morning walk was a big enjoyment, those of us staying in the ground floor houses would spread cots( known as chaarpais, and made of wooden legs , frame and choir ropes) outside the house. Those who stayed in the first floor would sleep on cots spread on the terrace. You know what, the terraces were connected,and we felt secure and not scared of intruders, as we had all friendly neighbours around. Thus, in the mornings, whoever woke up first would wake up the rest of us and we would go in group of 8 to 10 children for walk and to play in the park. we used to return by 9 or so, and after our bath and morning rituals would assemble at one of the houses, and indulge in different indoor games, reading or simply gossiping. There were no televisions those days, so we connected to our friends and cousins beautifully. We also read a lot and once or twice during the vacation we would be taken for a picnic to the zoo or for a movie. Another ritual we followed was, in the forenoon, a group of us would go to the local baker and get cookies made. We used to take sugar, milk, vegetable oil  and wheat flour and come back loaded with big tins or canisters of cookies. Such wonderful cookies you can't get now. no adulteration, no artificial flavour wow Namya,,, that was heaven!

 Then of course we used to go the the tandoor wala or the man who used clay ovens to make rotis, known as tandoori rotis. Our mothers would knead the dough and give to us, we would go to the person with clay oven we called tandoor waley uncleji..There our dough would be made into rotis, we would also buy a full pot of his special dal sometimes, and with some sliced onions to accompany, we enjoyed  sumptuous dinner of the special dal and rotis. You have to taste it to know its worth, as I have no words to explain the heavenly taste. The Murthal daal or dal makhani we get now and the rotis we get in the restaurants just cant be compared and do not come any where near  the daal and roti we had those days from the neighbourhood tandoor. 

Guess what my love, we had no maggi or burger or the fast foods you get now, to curb our frequent hunger pangs. We however had lots of fresh fruits like blue berries, guavas, and mangoes in almost all houses and then of course we made quick snacks on our own, like panjeeri..a sweet from wheat flour sugar and a dash of clarified butter, in a jiffy. Life was much simpler and smoother those days my dear. The air was not polluted, water we got was pure, and the fruits and vegetables totally much so that we didn't fear eating from the local sweet shop or snacks corner..which of course was not a regular affair, but an occasional treat. Well..those were the days... We never felt the need to travel just with the family in a car, for us going in public transport was true enjoyment of travelling. Entertainment was, to play indoor games in the hot after noons and park games till late evening, or going for watching movies or circuses with lots of friends, or even visiting places like monuments or zoo. Newspapers  gave us all the news we had to know, as reading newspapers was a regular morning ritual for us at home and also in school morning assemblies.

In school too we never faced any bullying or problems, but enjoyed our time there. Learning was not a task. I enjoyed school and college and studies so much that till my late 50's I found learning  a thrill.Regular studies, and attention in class was a common thing and tuitions after school hours was not anyone took pride in. I don't remember going for any special coaching to prepare for any examination.

It was in 1968 that I crossed from school to college life. College , friends and teachers constituted a beautiful world for us . Our generation had no fear of going out to local markets alone, we had no fear of travelling in local transport from university even late evening  or 8-O clock at night. Totally secure we girls felt. Compared to what insecurity and fear of molestation or assault the youngsters face now, we were very secure and socially well cared for.Till 1975 I spent beautiful years learning, enjoying and empowering myself. Believe me my love, learning was an enjoyment and not at all a strain.

The two plus decades of life in a middle class family in Delhi  and that too in a government residential area was something I wouldn't have traded for life in today's metropolis , today's Delhi/NCR. How I wish my darling Namya and her friends too would have  such a carefree socially secure and enjoyable years of school and college life!!!

Friday, July 24, 2015

Dusk to Dawn....

Pacing through the party floor....
I woke up to a new light!
Enlightened once again by my gurus!
From whom I learned all over again......
As I look to the horizon of life and death,
Rays of a new dawn peep through!
Wonder-struck am I to see the happy faces,
As I witness the light of true joy around!
Lived as I have in self abandon,
The feel of a new life and budding joy,
Fills me with a yearning to seek true joy.....
In a way my Gurus now are doing

They too toiled hard for their kith and kin,
They too worked towards social nod.
Selfless have they been; selfish now not,
Social acceptance they seek not now

Age or ailments deter them not....
Personal loss or grief they don’t let linger on....
What if I, like them in the evening of my life,

Move on with a new zest to seek my right to happiness?

In Search of a goal


I feel like a soul devoid of life,
I try to find a reason, a cure,
Not quite sure of what I want,
And know not what more I need to do.
              All I feel is my life has come to a standstill,
               But No! I don’t want to give up……………
               Let me move on to find an opening….
               A way out of these uneventful days…..
But then…it is a bit too much to take,
As the fear of the unknown surrounds me….and,
Darkness creeps inside me from all sides…..
My mind spins intricate web over my confidence….
               Oh God!!! I need to stop this swirling insecurity
               Let not my confidence ebb and make me lost….
               Let thoughts of hope and not agony flow into me…

               I need to embark on a journey to find my entity

Thursday, July 23, 2015

വിനമ്ര മൌലിയായി.........

നഷ്ട സ്വർഗങ്ങളെ കുറിചോര്തെ
ന്നുമെൻ മനസ്സു വിലപിച്ചു
കഷ്ടമെന്തേ ഞാനറിയാതെ പോയ
തിന്നൊളമെൻ ജീവിതത്തിനാശിസ്സുകൾ ?

ഇന്നുഞാനേവം നമ്രശിരസ്കയായി
ഖിന്നതയോടെ അറിയുന്നിതെല്ലാം
നഷ്ടമായതെനിക്കു കേവല
മെൻ അപക്വമാം ചിന്തകൾ

അനന്യമാം നേട്ടങ്ങളെന്നിലെക്കിന്നും
കനിവോടെയീശൻ ചൊരിഞ്ഞിടവേ
നിയതിതൻ കൃപാ കടാക്ഷങ്ങളെന്തെ
ഞാനിന്നോളം കണ്ടിട്ടും കാണാതെ പോയ്‌

സ്നേഹര്ദ്രരാം ആത്മജരെന്റെ ലോകം
സ്നേഹസുരഭില നമ്യ എൻ ഭാഗ്യം
സ്നേഹം ചൊരിയുന്ന തോഴരെൻ വരം
സ്നേഹിക്കാനങ്ങേകിയ മനസ്സെൻ പുണ്യം

വൈകിയ വേളയിലെങ്കിലും സത്യമിതറിയുന്നു ഞാൻ

വിനമ്ര മൌലിയായ് വണങ്ങട്ടെ നിയതിയെ ഞാനെന്നും