Friday, April 8, 2016

Yesterday when I opened my Facebook page I saw a line...What is on your mind? I have seen this line earlier too but never gave a thought to it or rather ignored it.... Yesterday after I retired for the day and was in my bed pondering, reminiscing , evaluating or reliving through the day that passed by, somehow "What is on your mind" came back to me. Many thoughts and ideas cross my mind throughout the day while I work in the kitchen or when I sit relaxing or doing some random work, or even just like that. Some thoughts pass away the same way as they come, some linger on and gradually fade away......but something which has been in my mind for the past many days or even longer I am not able to get  off my mind...That probably is actually 'ON MY MIND' and I should be sharing ....
    I have watched a number videos and read a number of posts on the internet and the social net work glorifying mother hood and the sacrifices made by parents and how the off springs forget about all that and end up sending their parents to old age homes. I have also felt a lump in my throat wathing and reading the sorry plight of these parents and have shared those write ups and videos. We get to read about and watch how the life in a peaceful love filled family changes to a tearful and quarreling one after the son brings home a wife. Always the blame is on the son 'who has changed' or the'daughter-i-law' who has completely 'confiscated' the loving son thus changing his priorities. Then we have the picture of a mother-i-law who tries to find fault with the son and his wife for having brought all the calamities to the house. It is what we get to see on the internet, movies and also get to read .....but What has been on my mind for the past few months is.....

.Can we generalise things when such things happen in not more that 5% of the households? Has any one ever thought about the sons who sacrifice their many pleasures to see their parents and siblings smile? Has any one made videos about that daughter who has left her family and parents, her familiar surroundings and neighborhood to join the husband's family? Has any one tried to write about the adjustments she has to make to be happy and make her husband and her new family smile? Has any one ever thought about the mother who has embraced a new daughter to the family and has been in turn embraced back as 'amma' or 'ma'? Why don't we have stories and videos which glorify such new found happiness and the saga of umpteen positive families where the mother-in-law  father -in-law , daughter-in-law and son -in-law are freed from the tag 'in-law' and have a peaceful happy life?

 These videos and write ups about sons changing their priorities, sending parents to old age homes, and daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law acting with vengeance and negativity only leave us putting a stamp of negativity in our otherwise happy thoughts, we also tend to look for loop holes in our lives to match what we believe is going on in the world.This in turn makes us depressed and looking at things differently. On the other hand if we get to watch or read positive videos and stories about the new found daughters, sisters,  mothers, sons, fathers and brothers after a marriage, we would try to be more positive in our outlook.  If we have some problem in maintaining the new found relations in the family, we would try to find loop holes in the prevailing negative atmosphere to usher in positive vibes and make our lives happier. More and more daughters would free themselves of the tag 'in-law and so would more mothers and sisters.....Thus we will have more sons who can have peace and happiness and not been pictured as..Humara beta tho badal gaya ( our son has changed).

 These thoughts have been there in my mind for long and I felt I should share. I sincerely hope those who read this would accept the positive vibe that is intended to be projected..

3 comments:

Deepti said...

I perfectly understand your point ma. Very well put. But the way I look at it after all these years of maintaining relationships, is that it's not essentially about doing away with the "in-law" tag, rather it's about acknowledging it and learning to mutually accept its presence, then we can hope to co exist giving each relationship the love respect and the space it deserves.

chandrika kumar said...

well...respecting and accepting to co exist and then to create a positive vibe...not looking at the in law aspect as partition wall.yess I get u

Shiva said...

Wow! Great to read something from you... And that too so beautiful! Wish more people think that way!